dear father

you all probably know the story but let me explain it further

you finaly reach the middle of a century, happy birthday.

for as long as i remember, i never really look at you as the person who i adore. i always look up to someone else instead, ended up hating you that much. i can tell that i never wanted you to be my parent but, destiny said different.

i told a story here about you, about how mad i am, and about how guarded you are to the possibilities of being wrong, and i hate it, i hate you.

as time’s flies, i don’t know when it starts, i just realize that i let go of the something i buried for a long time, i finally unhate you.

i finally carry out the weight on my shoulder, i at last can say that no longer save some place for hate in my life, i just dislike things, and that’s it, go along with it, grow side by side.

im alive, in spite of things i create towards you, selfishly, when i let it go, i make myself a lot comfortable to live my life, i take my part.

probably someone out there also dealing the same problems, parent. but i deadass tell you to realize these things,

1. they born in the past
2. they are not you, and can’t be measure based on the nowadays knowledge
3. they can learn, but still it takes time, they’ve been built into the form present of who they are for a long time ago, even before planning to get married and have you
4. they are human, they have flaws, and capabilities.

last,

i know you’ve done a lot, after the fog of hate been erased, i finally can see the whole picture, i’ve seen you struggling so hard, sacrifice for the family, i love you right now, and deep inside, i know you have something i crave for even before i ask for it

pride

i know you proud of me

and thank you, stay alive until i can pay you back every penny.