I was born with the gut to stay and settle when thing is okay, and i have this urge to fix everything as long as i can, I’m hard to beat, barely easily giving up kind of person. I can’t just go around watching the flames getting bigger, either i walk out (which i probably won’t) or i dim it. Back in the end of 2017 i had my very first broken break up, i said it’s broken because i am broken, the break up affects me that big. Thing was out of our hand, i need to admit that we can’t fix it.
This time, the person who’s been with me for 23 months (I’m talking about him on my last article), i call him quit. It wasn’t a big deal if i compared to the last one, but I’m unhappy, no sparks anymore lately, and I’m the one who ending things.
After the break up, i told my friend, i said i finally feel little alive and relieved. It is tho, but the thought of me makes me second guessing my choice, I’m starting to think about how i should fix and talk first instead of initially cut it out. Because like i said before, this wasn’t a big deal, really.
Is this right?
If this right, then why is it feels wrong?
Should i go back and talk?
Should i survive more days? Give it a try?
He’s a good person, sincere, and no joke he’ll do everything for you, if he can, he’s lovely as well. But the problem is already laying for months, yet both of us cannot manage to find the middle ground. He said sorry, but he couldn’t find the solution, he owns to what he did, but he never talk to me heart to heart about how we deal with it. He gave it all to me to find a way out, I’m the one who always figure things out.
This break up kind of confusing to me, the decision i made makes me doubt. But all my feelings are valid, the weight i carry is real, and i loosen up a bit after we separated. Truth is, it doesn’t have to be the big and the unsolved problems to cut the tie, if you starting to want to end things, well that’s a sign. The one who makes you comfortable enough won’t leave you with the question mark.
I’m still sad, not because the separation, but the thought of i still can fix it is haunting me. This one cause is real cheap, but it always takes two to tango, isn’t it?
Guess i need to deal with the new issue, try to let go of control, try to convince myself to being easy at least once.
This article helps me to realize
