yes speak up now, talk back to your parents, its allowed

i swear my eyes are tired but i feel the need to talk this out on eid eve

the most asian thing i know was “dont talk back to your parents, just listen to them, if you talk back it means disrespect, you have to respect the elders”

but unfortunately this wont only happen in asian households, its everywhere under one condition, you have parents.

looking back i was a muted child who has no reason to speak up, i mean when i was a kid i have no role model, i look up to my parents only and i think i dont have an opinion for myself.

but growing up as a teenager i know that world was big and a kid shouldn't belong to their parents forever, stay at home and obey. i know that i should define myself the way i want and i should live up to my own expectations not theirs.

as much as i have the guts to do my own things, its never came out easy, parents wont always agree. but the disagreement turns into control and control turns into abuse, no matter its physical or psychological, it still counts.

the more i reach the adolescent phase the more i cant shake things off, i need to stand up for myself, i need to say no.

i did, every time they thought they were right to dictate me to do something, but its hard, i fear them, im afraid, i dont even feel like im safe in my own house, with the parents i grew up with.

it feels like, you disobey us you get out of the house, you dont agree with us you dont belong here

and i dont feel like i have the power to be myself.

even with the voice shake, i tried to talk back, i shout when i dont feel heard, i push back, fight back.

it was never a custom we wanted to be a kid who feel danger within the house, it was never normal to fear your own parents.

do they listen? yeah for a second i guess, do they understand? hell no, disagree means they close the door to another possibility, they wont listen to any different perspective especially the one that came out of the mouth of the person who they shared their blood with.

but i gain more power, to be more myself, to stand on my feet, and gather the courage to have my own opinion about how i wanted to live my life.

the war does not end here, its just starting, you finally pick up the sword.

soon someone will get hurt, but what matter are you don't surrender.